RESTARTING - Turning Your Endings into New Beginnings
Not every Fresh Start comes about because we want it. Sure, most do. We anticipate New Year's Resolutions. We get excited about moving to a new place or starting a new job. But sometimes, this entire process of starting over can feel more negative than positive. For example, we might be leaving someplace where we'd rather stay. Even if the outcome is desired, such as a divorce, there are many memories and baggage to sort through. As a result, the new beginning which follows can feel more overwhelming than exciting.
So, how do you deal with these situations without losing your sanity? How do you do it in such a way as to take something positive away from experience?
The answer isn't as complicated as you might think. No, it's not simply a matter of a fresh mindset, though this can help. Sometimes your endings will take a little more work than this to shift them into new beginnings. Let's find out how.
Start with Saying Goodbye
There comes a time when you will have to let go of the past to embrace the future. It's entirely up to you what this looks like. Some people find journaling about their past experiences is helpful. Others need to talk and work things through. Depending on the situation, counselling might even be a good idea. Whatever you decide, remember to give yourself time to process. Some baggage takes a little time to unpack. It's never good to rush the healing process.
Look for the Silver Lining
Well, maybe this fresh start wasn't at the top of your list, but this doesn't mean it isn't an excellent opportunity to accomplish something you've intended to do—Hunt out the good in the situation. Who knows, it might be you even have reason to celebrate this fresh start you didn't see initially.
Put Your Head on Straight
Once you've started looking forward again, it's time to take stock of the situation. What are your options? What do you need to accomplish, and what would you like to do? The nice thing about a fresh start is it's a perfect opportunity to fix more than what's required. For example, you might need to move right now, but this doesn't mean you can't work on a few other things on your wish list, such as making sure you're moving somewhere with a home gym or workout option nearby to create a new exercise plan a little easier.
Take a Reality Check
Of course, not everything on your wish list should be dealt with immediately. Some can't be because they might require funds or other resources available to you. Others are a bad idea just because it would be too much of a fresh start at once. There's a lot to be said for pacing yourself and not setting yourself up for failure. What's practical?
Take Stock of Lessons Learned
If you're being thrust into a change, chances are you didn't have the greatest outcome in whatever was just ending. The good news? You can still take away something good from experience. So, before you get too deep into the fresh start, take a moment to ask yourself what you learned from the previous situation. There are many lessons to be learned in endings, with the knowledge that will serve you well as you go forward.
Make This a Choice
No one likes being told what to do. If you feel like this fresh start is being forced on you, you'll find it very easy to be resentful and angry no matter how much good you've discovered or what goals you've set. There comes a time when you need to step back and say, "Yes, I do want a fresh start," making this situation your choice. This puts the control back in your hands. It also means whatever happens from here, it's all exactly as you want it to be.
Adjust Your Mindset
No fresh start is going to succeed if you're still angry and resentful over the change. This is especially true if you feel forced into things. You might have to do some things you'd rather not initially, but this doesn't mean you can't embrace the change and still get some good out of it. Start looking for the best outcomes. If you need an added adjustment to the situation, try making a list of all the positive things which can come from having a fresh start right now. Find an outcome that excites you and can make you feel better about this new start, if not excited.
Know What to Hold Onto
No one said you had to throw out every aspect of your life just because you're engaged in a new beginning. Some things from the old life were good and will be valuable moving forward. Take stock of these things, making a list if necessary to remind yourself you already have some great resources you can use in this fresh start.
Take Breaks
New beginnings can be daunting, especially if there's a lot of work involved, whether physical or mental. Remember to work in a bit of relaxation wherever possible to keep yourself from becoming burned out or overwhelmed by the new situation. Also, a little playtime can do wonders for keeping your mood up, which helps if you were struggling to feel happy about this change in the first place. The nice thing? You don't have to go all out on these breaks. Even having an afternoon off to spend outside or with friends can change your mood for days. Keep in mind you get the most benefit from breaks when you take them regularly, so be sure to add them to your schedule nicely spaced out, so they come often enough to be beneficial, but not so often as to keep you from making positive strides on your fresh start.
Try Again
Sometimes the most daunting thing about a fresh start is the need to take action, especially if you're worried about how things went in the past. You might find yourself holding back, not wanting to take chances, and certainly not volunteering for new activities. While this might seem sensible, it's the worst thing you can do. New beginnings are all about taking chances and trying new things. The way to get started and find a better attitude? Accept you won't be perfect at whatever you're trying to do, especially not on the first try. Remind yourself it doesn't matter if you fail. This gives you another opportunity to learn. Finally, don't forget to remind yourself just how fun it is to try something entirely new and take the plunge.
Use Your Mission Statement
If you've come this far, you've set some goals for yourself and even feel like you have a reason for this fresh start, which is your choosing and not anyone else's. You're going to want to take this information and turn it into a mission statement that clearly outlines your goals and what you want out of life. Why? Sometimes everyone feels discouraged, and it's this statement which you're going to come back to time and again to re-energize yourself. It might help to write this down and post it where you'll see it to feel inspired throughout your day.
Appreciate Just How Great You Are
Look, you just came through a bad time, and you're still going. This alone is worth more than anything else on this list. So take a moment to realize just how far you've come and how wonderful it is you're moving forward.
Take it One Step at a Time.
Nothing happens overnight. There will be various stages to your fresh start, involving many smaller goals and lots of small successes. Celebrate each milestone as they come, and you'll feel like you're getting somewhere (because, of course, you are!)
Ask for Help
Hey, no one ever said you had to take on a Fresh Start all by yourself. There's a lot to be said about support systems. Invite trusted individuals into your process by letting them know what you're doing and asking for their encouragement. If you have mentors, go to them for advice. Or find a mentor if you don't have one already. Remember, the key here is you want support for your New Beginning meaning the last thing you need are naysayers or people who will only be critical or put down your efforts. This is the perfect time to create boundaries and keep those out while at the same time keeping your tribe close where they can encourage you the most.
Persist
How are you at being stubborn? If you're still not feeling it and are struggling to get going on this new beginning, the best thing you can do is keep plugging away at it. Go back through this list and remind yourself of everything here. Try again and keep trying. The funny thing is that this persistence will pay off in the long run, especially if you can keep a positive attitude and be open enough to try new things. Sooner or later, the fun really will creep in, and you'll realize just what a glorious opportunity this is. In the meantime, the very fact you're still carrying on is something to take pride in. You're still in the game, and you're still trying. So take a minute to give yourself a hand for being amazing!
